Men's Pride

Sometimes I wonder how people judge me? Or how do they think of me?

But all those didn't matter much, because why should I give a damn about that? :-P

Though, there is one thing that matters to me; that's how my girlfriend think of me.

Girlfriend's thought about me:

Number 1. Jordan is stupid.
Number 2. Jordan's head is filled with grass.
Number 3. Jordan is fucking retarded.

Bla... its the same. =.= The point is she thought that my brain was eaten by zombie.

Everything was expected to be known by me or foreseen by me or guess by me. So... she expected a seer boyfriend? or houdini?

Oh man... I am destined to be stupid the second you took the sovereignty in our relationship. At least, that's what I think.

It is very common sense wert... Between queen and slave, slave is always the stupid one. Can be seen throughout every situation either in real life, drama, or what so ever. Or maybe he is in the case where he can't show any of his wisdom. >.<

I'm a BIG MAN idealist. I'm a control freak (at least what I wished to be). I hoped to be respected. Even if I'm a true idiot, can't just leave me some space for me to save my pride?

2 possible situation here if this relationship do run long. Firstly, I will become Professor X, and knew everything before my girlfriend even split her words. Second case, super appreciation to other people admiration.

It's common psychology or it's simple logic. Big men without pride, will either broke mentally and keep the rest of his life pretending he's another person; or he will rise and fight back the pride or find it somewhere else.

Bird in the Cage?

People always said that relationship binds them, it just like lockup in the cage.

Couldn't agree more, especially when you met someone who are taking control of everything.

Sadly, I'm considering I'm one of the bird, who are chained.

Yes, I'm free to do anything I like when I'm home. I can play games for hours or read comics for hundred of episodes.

But, it just like you let a bird to sing or dance in the cage freely. It has not much of meaning inside it.

I'm a guy too, I like the idea of taking control in everything. Not being controlled, not at least this kind of level.

I added a female, a female committee in my society. As a committee member myself, I don't see any problem with that. She just a nobody to me except a functioning committee member.

So...what's wrong that I didn't tell anyone about I added a friend in facebook? 

Let's describe it simple and clear. Do you tell your mum that you want to go to pee? No...!!! You will just prefer answering your mum about where you  been just now if she asked. Not telling her that, " Hey mum, I'm going to pee."

Bah...  lets get serious, you don't report to anyone when you added a primary schoolmate right? It's just simple as that...!

Same case, I prefer to tell you anything that you ask, rather than report to you everything before I do it.

I'm not gonna lie about it, I will tell you everything. But not reporting in advance. 

Stuffs like this will got me exploded when "I'm free". It is because I do appreciate freedom a lot. 

I know you will have a sense of security if I do report every tiny things in my life to you. But, it should be at least at an appropriate level, which I recommend; " You will get any answer as long as you asked, or I will tell you if I think the issue is important enough."

Back from the Brink

After two years of neglecting this place, I'm back...!

I tried to have a diary, but its meaning faded. A diary that couldn't keep secret, what's that for??

Circle of friends, I mean real one are getting smaller.

We are close, but the closer we are, the lesser we express our inner emotional stuffs.

SMS and facebook chat are banned/ prohibited.

So... day by day, I'm pretend so much from the moment I woke.

Became stronger from the way I look...

But at the same time my heart and my mind are getting fragile.